Things that “Grinds My Gears”

1. CD/DVD wrappers – Who's messed up idea was it to seal a CD in a tight plastic wrap? Opening these suckers is maddening. You start with your fingernails each time, but just before your head explodes from frustration, you resort to a sharp instrument. The trick is a quick angle stab. Once you tear the wrap away, you think you're done, but then you're faced with one more challenge – to remove the plastic tape placed on the edges. This part makes a little sense, because you often fling the freak'n disc while removing the first wrapper. This plastic wrap bullshit has to be the spew from a Mensa meat-head who giggles himself to sleep while reveling over the frustration that he's  unleashed on the world.
   
   
2. Burger King commercials – what's up with the creepy king and the “bucking chicken”?  Who is the brain-child behind this advertising diarrhea? These commercials are so bad, that I'm actually rooting against this franchise. They have invented their own anti-commercial!
   
   
3. People with over-sized noggins – you know exactly who I'm talking about here. Yes, I'm talking about the guy who provides a complete eclipse for your movie going experience.  I'm not talking about people with big hair, since they just have “big head” envy. When you see someone with an unusually large noggin, you will often see debris orbiting their massive skull. In my experience, a huge head does not equate to increased intelligence. In fact, these humans (I'm being generous here) tend to be rather dull-witted. I secretly want to deflate their head with a quick pin-prick.
   
   
4. Old men with caterpillar eyebrows – Dude, groom those god-forsaken things! Have you ever seen Any Rooney on 60 Minutes? Man, the eyebrows on this guy seem to have their own agenda. When he talks there is an entirely different show playing on his forehead. It looks like there are two furry creatures fighting for control of his brow.
   
   
5. Mimes – Let's just agree to kill these poor bastards before they have children! This isn't entertainment, it's public annoyance. In fact, this activity should just plain be outlawed.
   
   
6. Improvisational doctoring – when my dentist comes up to me and says, “Hey, I plan to try something new this time.”  I get pissed off.  I respond, “No, asshole, I want you to do what you always do.”  Let's face it, we generally don't want any doctor pulling this shit.